So this week I’m going to write about something different than I had originally mentioned. It’s been brought to my attention that at my nephews elementary school in Maine that there is a no tattling policy. I have not called the school to get the details on this policy but from what I’m told if something happens to you at school and you bring it to the teachers attention you are reprimanded because it falls under the no tattling policy. Yet we are flooding the news and encouraging our children to stand up for themselves if they are being bullied to let an adult know. Yet now at this particular school that if they do so they fall under a policy where they get into trouble??Again I’m writing without details which is a big no-no but hoping for some more insight from my readers in that community. I am very perplexed by this.
From the time I was in kindergarten to the time I graduated high school I was bullied. Elementary school was the worst I wish I could name names, that time period still haunts me today and it actually shaped and formed the adult I became. I’ve always been self critical, had a very low self-esteem, felt like I never measured up to anybody else, my clothes weren’t right, my hair wasn’t right, my make up wasn’t right, or I wasn’t smart enough. All of these things made for a difficult start to my adulthood. That start lasted well over 20 years. I learned from an early age I made people laugh, in a good way. I had one thing going for me, I was funny. And I used that skill, I honed it, I perfected it, I spit shined it daily as my weapon but also as my asset, to gain friends. Real ones…
It is only been since my late 30s and early 40s that I even began to successfully chip away at these layers of insecurity. And I’m still not there, still at 43 I am very self-critical. I attribute and blame years and years of bullying and being put down and made fun of to all the negative that I see in myself.
I do not wish this on any child and I do not wish any child to grow into the emotional wreck of an adult that I did.
I had many friends and still do to this day but when you are the target you feel very alone, you feel isolated, and that nothing or no one can fix it, not even you.
Later in life I did come to realize that talking to someone did help but it’s hours of talking it’s digging deep and it’s hard work. So to know in this day and age that there is a no tattling policy that prevents children from letting someone know that something is happening to them has been eating away at me, because I just do not understand it. If the policy is simply to cover those children that do tattle because someone is using the wrong color crayon I understand that, I understand that with young children tattling might make the teacher feel like she’s being pecked by a flock of birds. However if this is a broad policy then it needs to be amended, if children are being bullied they need to know there’s a safe place, an outlet, a resource available to which they can go and discuss the situation and not be reprimanded for doing so.
If you are a parent who does not think that your child is capable of picking on or bullying another, and you know as a child that you were not perfect and that as adults we are not perfect, then please accept and recognize it could be anybody’s child doing this, and that’s where it needs to start, in order to stop it. This starts at home, and it needs to and there.
Some days I am so disappointed and feel so helpless at what the world has become and I lose hope that it will ever change. People ask me if I have children, my reply is no I am not able to have kids, and some look at me with pity, and some of the more seasoned parents laugh and tell me I can have there’s any day I want. Though we all know any loving parent would never give me their child… LOL
There are days when I feel like I missed out and I would’ve been a good parent and then there are times like this when I see the world for what it is and I am glad that I do not have them. Today it takes a very strong, involved, and dedicated person to be a parent, and I truly stand in awe of all of you that are. They say that offshore crab fishing is the hardest and scariest job there is. I beg to differ, I believe the hardest job, the most heart wrenching job, and definitely the scariest, is that of being a parent in today’s chaotic and most dangerous world.
Please stop, look and listen… It starts and ends with you…
Be kind and stay humble…