One of the millions of phrases used by Mainers is “you gotta talk nice to it”. Commonly used when your vehicle won’t start and requires you to simultaneously place your pinky finger on your nose, hold your thumb out the window, keep one eye ball in the rear view, one foot on the gas and any free appendages turning the key in the ignition.
This phrase “you gotta talk nice to it” is also a freely used expression when your laundry washing machine is vibrating across the room like an old steam train and it won’t shut off even when you pull the plug from the outlet, that’s right about when talking nice to it should be reconsidered and your local exorcist should be googled with their immediate assistance requested. Until such time, push the machine out on the front lawn like everyone else does, right next to the old freezer and last summer’s broken Walmart pool neither of which have been fully operational in three years. Carry on with your day by doing your laundry at your mother in law’s house, which conveniently sits 50 yards from your back door. Why sack your dirty laundry to her house you ask? Well, because she wants to feel needed, they love dirty laundry and more than anything, deep down, they want you to fail as the only woman in their son’s life that’s why.
When your lawn mower spits unknown liquids and projectiles at you like a pissed off farm goose and lurches you both into the rhubarb patch like a disobedient mule, because you didn’t have the common sense or wits about you to let go of the handle, and when it coughs out a mushroom cloud of blue toxic smoke mimicking the old 1965 Ford Falcon my parents had when I was a child, the most common advice given in Maine would be “you gotta talk nice to it”.
You can also try this age old Maine remedy on your wife. For example, you go out to the VFW on Friday evening after a long week at work and come home around 11pm, and she’s madder than a wet hen and spitting nails in the kitchen. You can go with the most recently popular, “I didn’t have a signal” or, “I was only staying for one but Fred’s wife left him, again, for that young fellah that works at the Burger King, I felt guilty leaving him there alone” or you can certainly try “talking nice to it”, but I wouldn’t recommend it…
Maine, the way life should be!
Stay positive and have a blessed week!