Undercover Hooch 

We all have that one little thing in our lives that is a bad habit that someone who loves us doesn’t want us to do. 

It could be anything from booze bagging it, to smoking cigarettes, or smoking something else, or in my case, eating donuts.

My love for homemade doughnuts started as a child when my grandmother Verna Norton used to make them the old-fashioned way. This is an art that has been lost over the generations. These little gems of sugary, carb packing, fat ass pills have become so rare these days, that substitutes like a Dunkin’ Donuts or Krispy Kreme have taken their place and made it way too easy to get your hands on this Satan sugar. 

Several of my friends have things they are not supposed to do and fully believe as do I, that our diabolical mind games are a complete success… We know these things are bad yet we just cannot help ourselves. I call them “undercover hooch”. As with any bad habit, denial is the first stage and stage two which is acceptance is well, just plain outrageous! 

“Just this one last time I swear then I’ll quit!”

Alas, when you find yourself hiding behind the dumpster at Dunkin’ Donuts shoving a honey glazed in your face on your way home from work and disposing of all evidence, (I’m a frequent flyer at the DD dumpster) it’s kind of hard to deny that you have a problem. 

When you have a friend who isn’t supposed to smoke, it’s like being on an episode of Dateline Real Life Mystery, the cloak and dagger intrigue of you and your felonious partner in crime trying to hide the undeniable truth.  Standing suspiciously behind a sign, a door, or a 6 foot 250 pound bouncer sneaking a puff as fast as you can thus causing a head rush. Don’t forget to douse in Bath & Body Works spray and always, ALWAYS be packing the fresh breath gum… 

As friends we all giggle and provide by whatever means necessary the hooch that the other so desperately needs at that moment. That’s what friends are for! Yes, friends are the most common enablers in this undercover world.

So if you find yourself hiding behind a tree, the jukebox, or in an out house, eating donuts, smoking cigarettes, or taking a haul off the bottle, now is the time to ask “am I outa control?” Assuredly if you are peeking around trying not to get caught, have a designated lookout on the clock and are trying, most likely with epic failure, to distract said undercover police, the answer is yes. 

Seek an immediate support group and don’t trust your friends to discontinue the charade, because they will every time you ask! 

The reality is we’re not hiding anything, whoever isn’t supposed to find out already knows, and always has! Inevitably sooner or later the cops are going to ask what you were doing with your suspicious behavior in these quite obvious locations, which at the time appear to be the most brilliant of all your villainous ideas. 

With the highest level of curiosity I ask, what’s your “undercover hooch?” 


One thought on “Undercover Hooch 

  1. Oh dear, I just came across “my” grandmother’s homemade donut recipe and thought about making some for you. Will nix that now.
    If I posted my ‘undercover hooch’ I would be outed so no can do!

    Liked by 1 person

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